He\’s Sober Now What? A Spouse\’s Guide to Alcoholism Recovery

It is important for you to talk to your partner and identify their triggers so that you can be aware of them. That way you can help them to avoid them where possible and recognize times when they may need additional support from you. Open communication is the foundation of every good relationship.

Being able to confront the hurt and anger does not mean your marriage is over. In fact, once these issues are addressed and worked through, you may be able to create a new marriage. If you or your spouse are in recovery, you may hope to go back to the way things were before. Unfortunately, addiction is often accompanied by deception, neglect and deep hurt. It’s impossible to forget everything that has happened. Sarah Allen Benton, M.S., LMHC., LPC, is a licensed mental health counselor and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic.

• This includes communicating about triggers or situations that may jeopardize one’s sobriety.
• Codependency can continue to affect marriages even after your partner has become sober.
• The best part has been finding so many great nonalcoholic options.
• Be engaged in their treatment, and work on healing the relationship.

Causes of Adjustment Disorders vs. PTSD

Sobriety isn’t a magic answer to all your problems – it only offers you the opportunity to stop making things worse. A person in early recovery often feels like things keep getting worse, but in truth, abstinence just lets you see clearly what a wreckage your life has become. Sober Life San Diego helps people recover from addiction and live fulfilling lives. Forgiveness is a common theme in the recovery community, and that is because forgiveness breaks down barriers and supports positive change. The most important thing you can do to strengthen your commitment to recovery is to learn how to love yourself first.

Our Accreditations, Certifications & Partnerships

Each spouse should also be attending 12-step support groups. An outpatient program can be especially helpful as couples navigate their relationship during this newfound phase of sobriety. The patterns and interactions that were established during addiction are basically obliterated. A husband who used to stay out late drinking will now be spending much more time at home. A wife previously addicted to painkillers to numb difficult emotions or situations will now have to deal with them head-on, without the aid of substances.

TRY TO KEEP A SOBER SHARED SPACE

You both may see their recovery as a life-altering change, but it also comes with its share of challenges. But, when your spouse was struggling with their addiction, they likely weren’t equally contributing to your home life. Top Dog has been the mainstay of the family and doing most of the parenting. Underdog needs to be encouraged to take on more responsibility, while Top Dog needs to let go of control and stop enabling the addict by being super responsible. The newly sober have their own demons and challenges just staying sober and clean. Taking on family and work responsibilities without the help of a drug can be daunting, depending upon the duration of the addiction.

Marriages can survive sobriety—and not just survive, but thrive. Go on dates, be completely honest with one another, and try to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Understand that rebuilding your marriage will be a long and challenging process, and keep your expectations reasonable.

Top Dog is other-centered and over-responsible, and feels invulnerable, self-sufficient, and loved only when giving. They both feel sorry for themselves, blame one another, and have guilt and shame, but Underdog feels guilty needing help, and Top Dog feels guilty not giving it. As much as you might want to get back to your normal life, you have to accept that it won’t happen overnight. Recovery takes time and one of the most helpful things you can do is try your best Sober Houses Rules That You Should Follow to be patient. Relapses are common and they do not mean that your partner has ‘failed’.

My husband and I had never spent more than a couple of weeks physically together before he moved halfway across the world to be with and marry, me.

• A relationship with a recovering alcoholic does not necessarily need to change in a major way – remember that your partner is the same person they have always been.
• That’s why we wrote a new ebook that we are announcing today.
• This can put significant strain on the couple’s finances and lead to arguments over money matters.
• Support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous provide individuals with a sense of community and understanding from others going through similar struggles.
• Addiction is chronic, so having open communication will enable intimate partners to better understand each other and leads to better recovery outcomes.

The Importance of Addiction Treatment for Marriage

Exposure to a parent’s alcohol abuse can lead to a plethora of issues, including emotional trauma, neglect, and in some cases, abuse. These experiences may shape their attitudes towards relationships and alcohol, potentially perpetuating a cycle of alcohol misuse. Aftercare planning is a significant part of addiction treatment. During this part of recovery, counselors will develop a plan for staying sober while rebuilding life.

• Daily stresses, triggers, and temptations can all put a strain on a marriage if not properly addressed.
• He helped me through it, sometimes by just being a physical presence.
• Living with an alcoholic or drug addict also means the addiction will come first for your spouse, even before the marriage.
• What happened still matters and affects how you live and feel, but it does not have to control you.
• It requires strength, patience, and a commitment to recovery that outlasts the toughest days.
• The most important thing to remember is that honesty and openness are necessary in every aspect of life.

This is because of the way long-term substance use has affected both partners as well as the relationship itself. If your partner is recovering from addiction, the process can come with challenges, and it may take time to cope with those challenges, but you’re not alone. Our recovering loved ones have the same fear we do – that they will return to using/drinking. The difference is that they have 100% control over whether they stay sober and we have none. Worse still, there’s no guarantee of sobriety beyond today.

Holistic Therapy

However, with dedication and hard work, relationships can survive after rehab. Firstly, it is important for individuals in recovery to have their own support system outside of the marriage. This may include attending support group meetings, reaching out to sponsors or mentors, or having close friends or family members who understand and support their recovery journey. There are over 40 million people in the U.S. alone living with substance use disorder. And many of those individuals have partners or spouses. Creating a healthy routine after rehab helps people in early recovery improve mental and physical health.

You’ll also need to understand how to support their recovery, care for yourself, and discuss the importance of making changes. Just when the recovering addict needs forgiveness, the partner may view sobriety as an opportune time to bring up long-held grievances. However, adding to the addict’s shame can undermine unstable abstinence. Perhaps there were other sober periods that didn’t last, so the belief is, “Why should this time be different? ” The spouse may continue to “walk on eggshells,” as he or she did living with addiction, afraid of precipitating an argument or a slip. Trust has been broken many times, and it will have to be rebuilt – a process that can’t be rushed.

One of the biggest challenges of having a spouse who is not sober is that you may feel like you’re always walking on eggshells. It can be hard to relax and enjoy your life when you’re constantly worried about what your spouse is doing or whether they will make it home safe. Trust becomes a major issue, and it can be difficult to feel like you have a partner you can rely on. While you may harbor resentment or anger toward your spouse, it’s often counterproductive or damaging to constantly rehash these feelings. Instead, you can vent and navigate your emotions in a personal journal. Journaling can help you process your emotions without hurting your spouse or causing an unnecessary argument.

But when we accept our feelings, we can begin to understand why we act the way we do. Despite the chaos brewing beneath the surface, some marriages might seem perfectly fine to an outside observer. This façade is often maintained by a “functional alcoholic”—a spouse who despite alcohol misuse, can maintain their job, responsibilities, and outward appearance of normalcy. Yet, even in these scenarios, the damage to the marriage is insidious, gradually straining the relationship over time. Social drinking is https://thecinnamonhollow.com/a-guide-to-sober-house-rules-what-you-need-to-know/ typically characterized by moderate alcohol consumption in a social setting without causing harm to the drinker or others around them.